Finding Help...

Here is a map of the clinics in Topeka you can seek help from.

Finding Help...

There are counseling centers all around you if you feel that you need professional help. Do not feel embarrassed or ashamed for asking for help. Counseling is a safe place to talk to someone who can help you. More people should look in to counseling, it really does benefit you.

 Some charge a hourly fee, while others charge per visit. It all depends who you go to, some centers are paid for with your insurance as well.

In a post later on I will show you a map of the counseling centers in Topeka Kansas.

Personal Stories...

Below is a podcast you can listen to. You will be hearing personal stories deal with death. Download this episode (right click and save)

The Steps...

These are the stages of grieving.

The Process in Depth...

This video explains the steps of grief in detail and is very easy to understand, if you are interested I would recommend watching this!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHmM1vlqVl8

Some Days are Better Than Others...

We all have bad days, we all have good days.  But when we have a bad day, believe me, it is REALLY bad.  Some days just never seem to go well for me, it’s the same way for others I would think as well. 

On days when nothing seems to go right everything seems to come back to me about how much I miss my loved one in heaven.  So, as you would probably assume the bad day turns into a straight nightmare.  It is always important to remember that just because you are having a bad day doesn’t mean it’s a terrible life.  Everyone is going to have those days where all you do is sit around and cry or feel depressed about a death that was important to you, it is only natural you’re going to miss them. 

           

One days like that you always need to remember to look for the positive things in life.   Go out with friends instead of sitting around, try and keep your mind off things.  As time goes on it’ll get easier to keep yourself distracted.  Always remember to talk it out with someone, talking about how you feel will only help ease the pain.   Feel free to share memories on these days about your loved one and stuff that you did with them.  Always think about the good things and never dwell on the bad memories.  

Gone But Never Forgotten...

Something that a lot of people have trouble with is being afraid their loved one will be forgotten.  This is something I not only have dealt with personally but also have had the opportunity to hear other people with the same worries.

The definition in the dictionary of forgotten is this; unremembered, out of mind, past recollection, beyond/past recall, consigned to oblivion. 

In my mind they will never be forgotten, because according to the definition you would have to stop thinking about them, and keep them far away from your thoughts; and let’s be honest, that is never going to happen.  It has been four years since my dad’s passing and there isn't one day that he doesn't cross my mind in one form or another. 

I think the word “forgotten” is too strong of word to be used when dealing with this.  Our minds are very complex things and to completely forget a great loss is a very difficult thing to do whether you want to or not.  There are far too many things in this world that remind us of them in some way.  It could be the littlest of things like just hearing a song, or an expression they used to say.  Or it could be as big as hearing their name, or seeing a picture.  Just keep in mind you will not forget them.  If that person was of any importance to you in your life they will always be with you. 

Photo credit: http://www.liveluvcreate.com/index.php?site=image&id=355943

Is It Weird To Talk To Them? Nah...

Visiting the grave is an experience that never seems to get easier for me.  I’m not sure about anyone else but it is a struggle every time for me.  I can’t help but remember the memories of seeing the coffin and recalling everything about the funeral. 

I have found though it helps to talk it out, and yes I mean talk to the person who is under the dirt.  You probably won’t get the reply you are hoping for but it helps more than you would think.  To this day I still go have conversations with my dad, tell him about my life, what’s happening, how much I miss him.  You just have to believe they are listening and hear everything you are saying to them.  Who knows, maybe they do. 

You won’t cry every visit though after a while, I can testify to that one.  It takes a while to get over that whole factor but when you do it feels great; and taking flowers or whatever else you like to the cemetery becomes a lot happier of an experience to deal with because you feel better and it feels like you are actually doing something for them. 

This is a very good article dealing with this specific topic.

 http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/commonsensechristianity/2014/01/is-it-okay-to-talk-to-the-grave-of-your-loved-one.html

Colleges Aren't Great With Death...

People truly underestimate the difficulties we as students have with college, college funding and grants and loans to be exact actually.  You have to fill out all of this paper work and talk to handfuls of people and everything else you could probably think of that goes along with college tuition. 

Imagine this, you are ready to go off to college, you’ve done all your paperwork and everything else but then BOOM. Death in the family, death of a parent; the only parent who supported you financially.  What do you do now?  Well I’ll tell you this first off, don’t go asking your financial aid office to begin with.  They are of no help.  And good luck filling out your FAFSA, a FAFSA is supposed to be based on your current situation.  But what happens when that situation changes unexpectedly? Hate to say it, but you’re basically screwed…

Going to be honest here, there isn’t much hope for a happy ending with this.  All they will allow you to do is go off of your older FAFSA and hope that it’ll still work for you.  Except that truth is that it doesn't work out for you now.  Now that your only source of income is gone you need more help with your future and funding. 

The best thing for you to do would be to get as many grants as you are capable of and see how many loans can be offered to you until you can get a new FAFSA filled out with your actual situation or fill out a special circumstance form, which you would need to find a bunch of other paperwork you may not be able to get.  Basically, college tuition is a waiting game when you lose a parent.  It will try your patience and everything else but hopefully you can see the light at the end of your tunnel eventually.  

Accepting Change...

People move on, I suppose some move on faster than others do.  Some even move on to the point of accepting another person into their lives. Kind of like my mom I guess.  About two years ago she met another guy; they started “dating” or whatever else you want to call it.  I didn't even acknowledge his existence for the first year of it…

Did I feel bad about this? Heck no.  I didn't need another man in my life trying to take over with what was left behind.  But for some reason my mom liked him, despite what I had to say about it.  It was clear she was going to do whatever she wanted regardless of me.  Which also made me hate him and push him away even more.  She insisted on bringing him to all of my sporting events and activities, even though I would specifically ask her not to.  She would (and still does) talk to him on the phone EVERY SINGLE DAY AND NIGHT, literally the most annoying thing for me.  I would think to myself, I don’t even talk to my friends this much…

Finally, after a good six months of me fighting this and many tears later, she decided to respect my wishes and keep him far away from me and my life.  Which I was pretty happy about.  But lets be honest here, that only lasted a couple months before she started bringing him back around again.  Which again upset me, but now my mother started getting an attitude of her own about this whole ordeal.  According to her I should “get over it” and “start being nicer” because apparently I fought it long enough. 

Needless to say she is still with him to this day, it has been about two years.  Do I accept him fully yet? Nope.  Is it getting any better? Maybe a bit.  I mean I do allow myself to be around him now and all that, I even speak to him on occasions.  Slowly but surely I keep telling myself, it’s a tough thing to accept others into your life after a big loss.  But with time, trust me, it does get easier to understand and deal with.  You just have to remember that this person is not trying to replace anyone.  They are simply making your family member a bit happier.

 Photo credit: http://weheartit.com/toni_leilani_laumatia